FRIES ARE IRRESISTIBLE.
I was starving yesterday.
I can just hear my mom's voice ringing in my head, "Melindy, haraftament (my version of some German thing she always says to me ) You are not StAAA-ving. You don't know what Staaaving is." ... "Ok Mom, Ok I won't say that. I'm not STAAAA-VING."
So let me take that back. I wasn't STAAA-VING yesterday, I was really reaaaallly REEEEAAALLY hungry. Why? Because I waited all day long to take my lunch break. For no particular reason at all. I just didn't feel like eating. So when my tummy finally growled an intimidating growl I hurried over the building next to mine, the UCC. I ran downstairs to the Chick-fil-a grabbed some fries and a chicken sandwich...then jumped in the back of a long line. While I was waiting in line to pay I couldn't help it... my mouth started watering. I just had to have one. Just one Fry. Ok Maybe two.
So what? I'm the fat kid that stands in a buffet line and eats off my plate while I'm waiting to pay or get a soda. So What? I can't wait til I get to my seat! That's 1. a waste of "eatin' time" and 2. what if something falls off my plate? ALSO: 3.What if I die of starvation before I get to the table? and 4. Who said you couldn't eat in line anyway? My MOTHER? Well, she's not the boss of me anymore. Well unless I go home, or I'm on the phone with her, or she comes to visit. Or pretty much anytime im in her vicinity or she's thinking about me. I've seen people do worse. kay, mom?
Anyway, so I'm standing in line...enjoying the two fries I shoved in my mouth. mmm mmm yum. It's been so so LONG since I'd tasted the sweet salty sensation of a Chik-fil-a fry. So I'm holding my food in one hand, and digging through my purse in with the other. I get my wallet out and, wait- what the...
OH NO REALLY?!?!?! At that moment I flash back to the night before. "Can you hang on to that honey, my hands are full..." I GAVE MY CREDIT CARD TO MATT LAST NIGHT!!!!!!! What was I thinking? I search for cash- none! Checks- none! Traveler checks? NONE! (gimme a break here people I was desperate.) What could I do?
I'll tell you what I did. I slinked back to the end of the line to buy me some time to think. "Oh, you guys can on go ahead of me. No really, i just forgot some... *mumble mumble*" I panicked! I have no money! I pictured Jimbob, the UWG police officer, cuffing me and shoving me into the back of the cop car. "Yep, we gotta 'nother fry-stealer. It's a damn shame, yep this one looks like she really enjoyed it." My punishment? Well, in my elaborate fantasy the judge rules that I get "4 years - fryless." After two years in the slammer I come up for parole. They tempt me with fries seeing if I've learned my lesson. Midway through the interview I bolt hungrily for the fries yelling, "Yeah, I enjoyed it. So what? I'd do it again too, see." PAROLE DENIED. I had to snap out of it and think fast. Uh. UH. Put it back, yeah I'll put it back - no one saw me. NO ONE SAW ME! I ran over to the Chik-fil-a counter, sneakily put back the fries and sandwich and high-tailed it outta there! I felt so horrible! I feel so horrible. I'm a fugitive! I'm a TWO-FRY-STEALING FUGITIVE! I think I'm gonna bring by a couple of quarters to the counter to compensate them for the missing fries. But will it ever make up for what I've done? Will it ever quiet my guilty heart?
I don't plan on having fries for a while.
Ya know, with a post like this, I would've figured putting the fries back after having eaten out of them would've made your inner germ phobe question how many times you've gotten fries that someone else had eaten out of! Oh, and now my fat ass wants fries. Thanks for that! =)
ReplyDeleteToo bad I commented on this post once already and it never shows up............... I miss you Melinderrr
ReplyDeletedoodle...Its true. I did ponder this. But that is PRECISELY why I always wait until all the fries are gone. Then the lady has to put out fresh fries. and if she's not wearing gloves. FORGET it. I'm fryless on that day.
ReplyDeleteand I MISSS YOOOOOOUUUUUU MRS. BROOME!