Faulty Umbrella

You know what I was thinking today when I was driving the golf cart and speeding past angry looking umbrella-toting pedestrians? Well one, I was wondering if they were just jealous because I get to drive around a lush golf cart at work, or if they were angry because I accidentally sprayed water on them when speeding past. Either way it was too rainy and my little golf cart windshield was all fogged up so I couldn't really tell. Real safe, right? Anyway, my second thought was...they must be wanting to be me at this moment. Inside a golf cart. And so my third thought was...

Are there times that I want to be other people?

I know I wouldn't have wanted to be that guy that leaned over the wall and caught that "foul" ball and ruined the world series play back in like 2006. I definitely wouldn't want to be Obama right now...b/c, let's face it..the man has a lot of pressure on his shoulders. Or Drew Carey, like ever... he doesn't even look like he's having fun on the Price is Right. If they start looking for someone new, I'm auditioning.

But sometimes I look out my window and see a kid enjoying an ice cream cone...and I wish that was me. God made me lactose intolerant, OK? Now do you understand my envy? Sometimes I wish for a second that I could be inanimate objects. Like the topper on a wedding cake. How much crazy junk do you think wedding cake toppers hear? The bride and groom smiling but telling one another how much they hate the other's parents? Bride maids talking about which one's stockings are cutting off their circulation more... and where. And sometimes I just wish I could be Gwen Stefani. But not pregnant Gwen, more like 1990's still the lead singer of NO DOUBT Gwen. And for the entire time I was her I would make kissy faces in the mirror, and smack my own buttock.

I mean really think about it, if you could be someone else for 5mins and then return to being yourself...who/what would you be?

Oh, or maybe i would want to be a stoplight. I bet I would see a lot of crazy things. Oh, but I'd probably see people picking their nose all the time...GROSS... I just can't take that.