and the number one question on everyone's mind...

Did I say yes?

Why yes, I do think i lost some weight from being sick last week. Pretty exciting huh? Two people today asked me if I've lost weight. To answer them... Of course. It must be all the CBP's I've been eating and the golf cart I drive around all day. I think they're both big contributions. Diet of Champions. The sinus infection really helped me lose weight...I was so hoping to get the flu this season, it does wonders for my thighs.

What's new? ...oh nothing. I am getting married. No I didn't pay him! He just loves me.

Can you believe that someone wants to marry me? yeah, i know right..... neither can I!

Honestly, I am so excited/weirded out/scared/happy/full of love/ excited!


So I've been joking for the past couple of months that whenever Matt proposes to me, (which i thought would be in like 2025) that I would go by my middle name for the whole of my engagement. In order to be a woman of my word I will no longer respond to Melinda. So call me Lorene for the next year please. Because after that...its gonna be gone... Zip, See Ya, Over. No more Lorene...like I never even had a middle name. I just feel like my middle name never got a fair shot. It never got to bloom to its full potential. Or maybe I can just hyphenate my first name... Melinda-Lorene. That'll really piss off any embroiderers out there. They hate it when you have a long name.

So the proposal. It was so....us. And my blog is where you will hear the true story of the engagement of Melinda-Lorene and Matt. (maybe I should just make it one big name... Melindalorene? hmmmm.) Please, let the narrator tell the tale...

Once Upon A Time.... on a Friday afternoon all the people in Carrollton were in their cars beep beepin', faculty and staff at UWG were watching their clocks tick tickin' and the water reclamation plant was churn churnin' away. And on this regular Friday afternoon with cars beep beepin', clocks tick tickin' and plants churn churnin' only one knew that today would be special in MelindaLorene's life. And that one was Matthew Hofius. (and the 30 other people he told/ showed the ring to/called...including her mother - how sweet right?) Yes, love was in the air. Where do we find the Fair maiden at the beginning of our tale? Oh, yes there she is...she was just finishing teaching her Orientation Leader class...

I was on my way back to the office to finish my work for the day, Tia and I (our student assistant) were walking and talking about nothing when I stepped into a big pile of dirt. I wasn't sure at the time but when Tia began screaming and jumping up and down, it confirmed that the little pricks I felt on my feet weren't from dirt sifting around in my shoe...but that it was actually a swarm of angry fire ants tearing away at my flesh. My FLESH! What? Of course I'm not exaggerating. Would I even do that? Tia's yelling "Stomp yo' foot girl!!!! Stomp it!" I'm like...o....k....I'll try that. I was more stunned that I had the stupidity to walk into an ant pile than hurt by the biting. I'm like...eh, it'll be fine... they're just trying to communicate love to me. It's ok little antys...everything's going to be o....OWW OW OW you little Bastards! That's really beginning to hurt! You're ALL DEAD! DEAD I TELL YOU! After eradicating the ant population that invaded my shoe I decided... Yep, its time. Time for me to leave and get some medicine. Because I'm pretty sure my foot's not supposed to be that color. So I run out of my office, down the stairs and hop into the Kid Chameleon. By that time...my feet are both feeling all stingy and numb. I don't even know how I got to CVS because the truth is... I was pretty much looking at my feet the whole time. I did pretty well.. I only got beeped at once and given the finger twice. Turns out when you're concerned about your foot turning blue you don't really pay attention to green lights. After I bought the medicine I ripped it open and put it on my foot in the parking lot. People were starring at me like I was a weirdo. What? Has no one ever seen someone sitting with their foot hanging out of the window yelling profanities in the CVS parking lot? They would if ant poison was seeping into their skin! (ok, that was a little dramatic) I've seen weirder things in Carrollton, yet I get starred at... Yeah KEEP WALKIN' FOOL!


Little did Melinda-Lorene know that Matthew had something sweet in store for her. That would make her forget about those ugly old bug bites.She hurried home to meet her sweetheart, packed the car and they were on their way...


Matt and I got lost about 15 times on the way to Serenbe (the bed and breakfast where I made us reservations). How? I'm not sure. I made him drive and he was acting kind of funny so we kept missing our turns. When we got there and saw our room I was like Yay, so pretty...now let's go see the hot tub! In a worked up hot tub frenzy I ran out to the porch towards the out door pool and immediately fell down a flight of stairs. Matt tried to catch me, but my fat hind parts decided they were more comfortable closer to the ground. So instead of admiring the hot tub, I'm hanging there - my face down towards the ground, my legs twisted and my hand up above my head. Out of breath, in a growl of a tone I squeeze out, "maaaaaattt...I appreciate what you're trying to do here...but can you please let go of my hand..."

Oh no, this was not the first time that the Fair maiden had taken an ill spill. No. She was accustomed to the cold hard stair against her face. Observe an earlier story:


Funny story - Matt always jokes (at least I hope he's joking) that every time I make him mad he goes out and builds a step. And one day when he has an entire stair case he's just gonna push me down it. We have a passionate love for each other...what can I say? Well one night I was walking down our really steep stairs, Matt was waiting for me at the bottom because we were talking about something and Wooops! I swear its like people lay banana peels in my pathway. Anyway my housemates come running because they hear the BIG thud and then crying. Fandom, one of my housemates, slams open the basement door, looks down at us with disgust and goes, "Oh Dear GOD he's finally done it! Matt, what have you done?!?" Poor Matt was standing over me like a suspect!

Back to the adventure...Where do we find the fair maiden and her beau now?

Anyway, so the evening progresses. We're looking into each other's eyes lovingly... blah blah blah. We eat a fancy schmancy dinner and then we go back to our room to hang 0ut. Matt's like, "Let's go for a walk." I'm like "no, let's not." I finally agree when sun had just set and it was starting to get dark. Matt wanted to go see some labyrinth they had on the property. I was SOOOO happy about walking around in the dark, let me tell ya. When we started towards the woods I was like,"Um, are there like bears out here?"
"Nah, maybe just a fox or two."
"What? A Fox? Could they be rabid? Um, I don't think I want to keep going. Let's just hang out in this nice well-lit lightly wooded area, Kay? Cus I'm not about gettin' my face ripped off tonight."
So this is the kicker. We sit down to have a Cigarette. A Cig! How romantic is that? NOT AT ALL! Meanwhile I'm jumping every time I hear a branch move in the wind.
"Matt, what's that?"... "Matt, do you see any eyes out there in the dark?"
Finally I finish my cigarette and he's like
"Melinda, you know that I love you..."
And then he's all on one knee and everything...shivering bc it was starting to get cold...
And after that I have no idea what happened. I just remember saying
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"
I'm actually not even sure if I said yes. We may not even be really engaged because I never gave an answer. I was so shocked I was like silent for 20 minutes. WHAT THE HECK, WE'RE ENGAGED?!?!?!? I didn't even look at the ring until later. Honestly he could have proposed with a piece of string and I would have said yes because I love him so much. I do think Matt's kinda rude though. I told him to get me an 8 carat ring, and he didn't. He never listens to me.

And they lived happily ever after....

the beginning (not The End)

I love him so much and I can't wait to start our life together!

Matt's What, What, What? Face!

This is what he gets for not getting me that 8 carat ring.

We're so poor but I am bursting with ideas for our wedding. Please, observe:

Idea number 1: Matt will descend from a helicopter, surrounded by 90 ninjas that he will have to defeat. After he's out ninja'd them, his hair perfectly intact, he will wait for me at the end of the aisle. Next, I will descend from a helicopter wearing my white dress with a spotlight shining down on me like I am an angel. How much do you think two helicopters will go for anyway?

Idea number 2: our wedding programs will be tshirts. On the front of the shirt will be a picture of Matt and I giving a "thumbs up" pose. On the back - the ceremony order. Everyone will be given a shirt upon entering our ceremony, if you want to stay - you will have to wear the shirt.

Idea number 3: Assigning each couple a color that they must wear to the wedding. My friend Hannah, well her and her fiance Stanley, their color will be purple. And Stanely's suit must be velor.

Idea number 4: Same picture that matches the tshirt/programs, the one with us giving the thumbs up, will be screen printed on a large sheet cake from publix and served as our wedding cake. And I think we should throw some candles on top of that bad boy. Why not? I just feel like if there's a cake..there should be candles to blow out.

See what I mean? I am really crankin' them out here.