I wasn't even speeding!

Hippity Hoppity Easter's on its way...

I've been sick. whatever plague I caught...put me out of commission for the past two days :(. I wonder if I've lost any weight from being sick. That would be spectacular! I've decided, just now, that I use AWESOME way too much. I am now replacing all instances in which I would say Awesome with the word spectacular.



Easter Weekend - Spectacular!

I was late getting home on Saturday - we had to go visit my grandmother in Columbus. Not Na Nah - the crazy bat who lives in Cali, but my other grandma... OK, so I'm not gonna lie...she's not really my grandma. We are in no way related... but she's known my family for a long time, and she's old. Aren't those credentials ? We call her Mrs. Helen.

She's pretty spectacular. She's an 81 year old red headed pistol with a sweet southern draw, who insists we eat everything in her house, and drinks RC cola like it's 1980 (Royal Crown cola).

- Wait, have you ever heard of RC? Its like the bastard child of Coca-cola = Soda poppy goodness. I have never seen it outside of Columbus. The taste? Awesome... dangit, i mean spectacular, the taste is spectacular. You have to commit when you want to cut a word out of your vocab - it tries to sneak itself back in but you gotta be strong. It takes discipline. Commit and follow through. -

Anyway, she still drives all around town everyday - in a Caddy, with a license plate that says "TOOTS," and leather seats that go woosh under your bum when she takes a really sharp turn. And she always refers to her kisses as sugar. Her husband died a couple of years back and I went to visit her. I was on my way out of her house and she says to me,
"Ernie (her hubby) looks really good...the funeral home fixed him up real nice. You wanna see him?"
"You know what Mrs. Helen, that's a really great offer but I just ate, so no I think I'm good. Love you, I'll see you next time."
"Well ok, you sure?Let me give you some sugar. When you're ridin' down the road and you feel your face you'll say Oh, that's Mrs. Helen's sugar on my cheek."
Sugar grosses me out. But I do love Mrs. Helen and her snap-in toupee. She's a spectacular woman.

So I call my mom to let her know that I'm running a little behind because we don't want to keep Mrs. Helen waiting. My mom, in her thick German accent - turning all W's to V's, says to me,
"Melinda, Vhere are you?"
"I'm almost in Columbus Mom, i got pulled over so that's why I'm a little late."
"Vhat! Oh, no - really? Oh my goodness...vhere are you now mouse?"

yeah, my mom has always called me and my sisters "mouse" or "mousey" or sometimes "mindamouse." She calls marlene "marlenamouse" and melissa gets the "missamouse." Why? Not sure. Maybe she just has an affection for rodents. Maybe she's just German. Whenever I feel I can't explain my mom's actions I just say "She's German" and people nod in agreement almost in pity- like "Oh, yeah German...." like I just fixed whatever confusion they may have had about my mother's strange ways.

"It's ok Mom, I just got a warning. I'm on I-185 near the pine mountain exit, I'll be home in a little bit."
"OK, I see you then"

My mom also leaves out the word "will" in most of her sentences. E.g. - "I see you then", or "I talk to you later", or "I not call her your fat friend anymore."

What? Oh, why did I get pulled over? Apparently if you are passing an officer that has pulled someone over on a Ga State highway you must get over to the left lane. Its a safety precaution for officers getting out of their vehicles -apparently there have been a lot of deaths. Before the police officer even said anything to me I blurted out "I wasn't speeding!" He looked at me kind of funny and I apologized for my indiscretion and smiled at him with a tear collecting in the corner of my right eye. I was pretty sure I was goin' to the Big House after that outburst. Little tip for alla yous - its a $750 fine for not getting into the left lane. When he told me this my stomach dropped. Shhhhhhtttt. Luckily he was feeling good, maybe because it was the day before Christ rose again, who knows...whatever it was... he oh so graciously just gave me a warning.

Easter is my Mom's favorite holiday.
She always disappears for like an hour and comes back from wherever, calls us into the living room and says, "go get your Easter baskets!" (like we're 5) But Mom knows we're getting older so instead of a basket full of candy and stuffed animals that say "hoppy easter." we get useful stuff - clock radios, dishtowels, etc. This year she went all out on the kitchen stuff. i now have a stainless steal strainer - or colander for those of you fancypants cultured readers.


These are all three of our baskets. Marlene got the sifter because she loves to bake. Melissa got the lettuce cutter because she loves fresh veggies and salad. What did I get?

Why, I got the cork screw of course. Because Mom knows how I need my happy juice. She does subtle things to let us know she supports our interests/addictions.

Can't have Easter without brightly colored Eggs.

Marlene displaying her magical creation.


Our Dogs - Dakota and Sparky - Both are hoping to catch any fallen food. Dakota was so fixed on the food that he refused look at the camera... even though I pleaded with him for like 10 minutes. You pay them attention, house them, even give them food and water...what do you get? No respect. Dogs these days.

Melissa looking like an inmate being forced to peel potatoes. I've seen this look before. That's right, she made this face that time I tore the head off one of her teddy bears. we have a really great relationship.

I decided to help. I felt bad about that whole beheading of the teddy bear thing.


mmmmmm I love pot roasty goodness!

The fate of the potatoes. Boil my pretties Boil!!!

The finished product. A small feast for Four.