What does this merry-go-round have to do with anything? Please. Read on.My friends and family made my birthday super awesome. (oh yeah..I am no longer boycotting awesome. It's back in...it's useful at the age of 25) Let's take it from the top...
So I went down to Columbus because my mom was all like... "Oh, Me-lindy please come down for your birsday." and I was all like "O. K." When I got there on Tuesday Marlene took me to this place in columbus called Hollywood connections.
Hollywood Connections. Oh the days. Its a rollerskating rink/restraunt/mini-golf/arcade/laser tag/movie theatre/mini-fair MONSTER of a place. And it was THE place to hang out about the age of 12. And at the age of 12 you were too cool for your parents. And definitely too cool for older siblings. Anyway, Hollywood was the place to go loiter outside esp. for pre-pubescent males. And in my peachy teenager state my friends and I had nothing better to do than torcher the pre-pubescent males in front of their pre-pubescent female crushes. So on a Saturday night my friends and I (all around the age of 16 or 17) would drive past the front of this "all-in-one fun station" with the windows rolled down, music blairing, and I would find some poor sap of a kid with the most common name and unleash my fury. "JOSH, JOSH!" I would point at one first kid with the name Josh that turned around... he would step back a little thinking - as my mom would say - "this ghurl is FREAKIN' NUTS" - and I would yell things like "JOSH, COME ON - MOM SAID ITS TIME FOR DINNER - JOSH - Don't Be shy!" and I'd continue to yell until everyone around the kid was a little freightened. " DON'T RUN FROM YOUR SISTER JOSH!!!!!"..."Ah, hahahaha" I would cackle, well.. because I thought I was so funny.
Hollywood was also the place that I had my first date with my friend Ethan. Now Ethan and I were not a match made in heaven...but we had fun recreating the moment we first held hands :)
Ethan and I re-enacted our 10-year-old romance.
Heather- the party planner/BF and Ethan my soilder that's getting deployed soon :(
I have always said that I wanted to have a skating party for my 25th birthday. There are several reasons why: 1. All the cool kids had a skating party when I was like 10. Did I? No. No I did not. I guess I wasn't cool 2. I think it would be fun to drink and skate. A little dangerous, but fun. what can I say? I like to live my life on the wild side. So, some of my friends took me to the skating rink at Hollywood Connections. unfortunately it was super crowded and we didn't want to accidently land on a kid... so we went to Zoo City (another all-in-one fun station in Columbus) and played like we were kids again.
I stubbed my toe the first second I walked in the place!
DDR the RIGHT WAY
And then we went out in down town columbus... Where this story really heats up:
So our little group went out to drink a brewsky or two outside of our fav. little pizza shop/bar called Picasso's. We were having a grand ol time when this woman sits down next to me. And in her drunken stupor looks over and goes..."Whooos birfday is it? *hiccup* Is it you, is it your brithda..birthday?"
And I timidly go, "yeah... it's my birthday..."
"Oh, hey great...I have a present for you.." she slurs. I see her fixate on something inside her purse. What the, she's holding something inside of her purse....it's, what the heck is that? I peered inside and saw a red and black label on a clear bottle... "Mr. Boston's"... I knew at that moment I was in eminent danger. I was screaming in my head... DANGER! FIRE, LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!
Oh, right- that's a story only I understand. Being in this situation, with Mrs. Creepy McCreeperson, it made me feel like I was stuck in a dangerous trap. It reminded me of this time I was in the shower at this beach house and I could hear the fire alarm going off. It shouted at me DANGER - FIRE, LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. You feel so trapped, so helpless, so naked. Everyone left the house. they figured I was in the shower - I'd be safe from a fire. How jacked up is that? I mean REAAALLLY? I guess they were right. I'm still here. what kind of alarm says "DANGER, FIRE-LEAVE IMMEDIATELY" Anyway? All the ones in the dorms were just super annoying EEEEEEEEEEE noises. But that was the same feeling I had at this moment...i felt like I was IN DANGER and needed to LEAVE IMMEDIATELY! Anyway where was I?
Oh right... what was in her purse? Ahhh Mr. Boston's! UM, NO THANK YOU. My gag reflex remembers Mr. B. But how could I refuse this woman's generous gift?
"I have to hide it in here because they will try to steal it from me," she snarled, and then gave the passing Picasso Pizza worker a eat shiz and die look, "but I will give you a shot for your birthday..." she whispered as she turned up her purse. I'm thinkin' Yeah, that's not obvious, I turn my purse upside down on my face all the time.
But instead of saying that, this came out: "Well that is so generous of you but, well you see... well, I'm kind of a germaphobe.." (B T DUBS - True Story... I HATE GERMS, but that's another blog for another day.) I look away for like five seconds and she takes another swig...
"It's ok, I'm clean- I haven't done it in like a year or two. And don't you know that alcohol kills all germs?"
"Well I am aware that it kills some germs- so it kills all now? Really though- I just don't drink after other..." She slams up the bottle into her mouth...and out of the side of her face she says, "here, take the shot out of my mouth.." AH! GOOD GOD WOMAN! - Is what I wanted to say, but instead I spit out a very hesitant..." um. no thank you?"
"OH COME ON!" she said swallowing, "GERMS ARE KILLED BY ALCOHOL...quit being a wussy!* You are so uptight, are all of you uptight like her?" She said, pointing at my sister and my best friend heather. "Just drink it out of my mouth"*BTW She did not say WUSSY - but for the sake of this blog and the PG ears everywhere- We'll just pretend she said wussy.
I Shrieked back. GGGGUUUROOOSSS is what I thought in my mind but I said politely, "I mean I am very flattered that you want to..." and I started inching away from her as she was getting closer and closer to me. "give me this gift but I just don't..." i was cut off.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY!" the woman whipped around screamed at my sister (who was sitting across from us at the table.)
"I didn't say anything. I just breathed hard. But just so you know alcohol doesn't kill all germs and you need to leave her alone," my sister barked. The woman began to bark back.
AAAAAAAAHHH I couldn't take it anymore! DANGER! FIRE LEAVE IMMEDIATELY - rang through my head. I stood up and declared, "I have to go to the bathroom!" And I as I sprinted away like a coward I could here Marlene and this raving lunatic-of-a woman yelling about germs.
When I returned I saw a really disgusted guy, and heard people talking. Apparently after my slick exit to the powder room the lady cussed at Marlene and decided to join another table. At which point she called us uptight and other choice phrases and then proceeded to LICK the face of the guy that was sitting right next to her. All I could do is selfishly think, "Thank God that wasn't me." I know that's selfish, but what if she had licked me? WHAT IF? I might have thrown up on her. And then where would we be? See sometimes there are rewards to being a super coward and running to the ladies' room. You don't get licked by a raving lunatic.
It was fun - Thank you darlings for making it the best pre-birthday ever!
Part two of my birthday is coming soon. Please stay tuned.
I'm following your blog now. Because I have a blog. I'm cool like that now.
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